So, everybody told me that having a baby changes everything. They were pretty much right. From the sheer volume of baby paraphernalia we accumulated to my new pseudo-insomniac state, I can barely remember what life was like B.C. (before child).
I am not one to be overly gushy when it comes to babies. In fact, I used to roll my eyes and exasperatedly mutter under my breath when a mom and her overloaded stroller blocked my path on the sidewalk to praise her son for smiling. But now I get it, though I make it a point not to block the sidewalk.
But my son has not only opened up my heart, he is also, somehow, a conduit through which I now connect with complete strangers, especially on the subway where we’re forced to get along. Or not.
B.C., my commute to and from work was one that I think many urbanites experience: music device and ear phones; walk to the train, head down; grab a Metro; wait for train while reading Metro, push on to train in hopes of scoring a seat; negotiate personal space; never meet eyes with or talk to anyone.
With such close quarters, it’s amazing how many days/weeks/months you can go without talking to anyone. It’s actually a pretty solitary experience and something that I didn’t feel particularly energized by.
Now, with my son holding on to me like a baby orangutan, when I board the subway, people want me to sit down. They flag me down from the opposite end of the car. Sometimes people fight over who gives up their seat. It is this “it takes a village” mentality that takes over. And they are so kind. They hold my arm while I settle into the seat they just occupied.
These generous people – young and old, men and women, black and white – are my inspiration for this blog. Over the course of the next several weeks, I will write about the benevolences I encounter on the subway, both my own and others’. And I’m going to make it a point in each day to reciprocate because I can’t continue to take without giving a little back.
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Awesome! You took me back to my own first baby days. Good work and keep on posting!
ReplyDeleteI love that your life is divided into BC and AC!
ReplyDeleteIndeed, its amazing what we learn about humanity when we are most vulnerable (lugging a tiny lad on your tiny frame).
And your post reminded me of the film Crash. You made a quite astute comment about NYC.
Despite the close quarters, we are often alone. And nothing quantifies that more than our behavior on the subway.
Well, a social networking site has caught on!
SUBMATE.com is a new service that matches people based on their commute.
It's goal-- to help staphangers break the ice, sans the awkward subway hello.
Pretty remarkable. Maybe we won't be talking on the subway anytime soon. But, we sure will be communicating.
looking forward to future posts!
By law aren't people supposed to give their seats to pregnant, elderly or disabled people?
ReplyDeleteI think this should also apply to people with small children because I can only imagine how crazy it must be getting on a packed subway with a stroller or as you say, "baby orangutang."
I always give my seat to the above categories but wonder what to do about people with toddlers and above. I know your son is still young but what do you think, should people let parents and toddlers sit? And what is the cut off? When is a kid old enough to stand like the rest of us?
It's nice to hear that there are some generous and empathic people who ride the subways, even if it takes a little 'baby orangutan' to evoke the feeling.
ReplyDeleteI usually always prefer to stand- maybe its easier, as it eliminates the conflict in my mind- about who and who not to give up your seat for.
What bout people who don't have visible disabilities. Are the expected to ask for a seat? Not sure how that works?