Anyone who rides the subway on a daily basis has undoubtedly developed the telltale sharp elbows with which to carve out personal space. Mine have dulled a bit as I carry my son from platform to train. I tend to let crowds push past me to avoid being pinned in the middle of a packed car. This means that I'm usually one of the last people on and rarely score a seat.
I'm not going to ask
Unless I was physically unable to stand, I would never ask a stranger if I could have their hard-won subway seat. If they wanted to/were able to give up their seat, wouldn't they just offer it? And, even if a person looks generally healthy, you never know what their personal situation is. Maybe the well-dressed man reading the Times has a back injury that makes standing difficult. Or maybe the woman listening to her iPhone is seven weeks pregnant and trying not to vomit. Hence, I never ask.
What's more, I would never expect someone else -- a stranger -- to a) take notice; b) have a cause mentality about who should have a seat on the subway; and c) actually care enough to get involved. Why not? When so many people pretend to be sleeping or just plain ignore you when you are standing right in front of them, you'd never guess that the woman getting on the train with you was going to tell people to evacuate the area so that you can sit down.
But someone else will
It happens this way at least once-a-week:
At Fourth Street, I slink on to the jammed subway car with the rest of the sardines, a baby sleeping on my chest and a bag on each shoulder. All seats are taken. No one "sees" me, so I stand. And I'm happy just to be on the train, on my way home.
At Broadway/Lafayette, a woman slips into the spot next to me and asks loud enough for everyone in the three closest seats to hear, "no one asked you to sit down yet?"
I say loud enough for the same people to hear, "no, but I'm fine standing." Without hesitation, the woman will look at the closest seated man and tell -- not ask -- him to give me his seat. I'm amazed (and grateful).
The results of my poll last week suggest that I am the only one who can't believe it. Every person who responded agreed that it was appropriate for a third party to ask seated riders to offer their seats to pregnant or handicapped passengers. So, you all agree with the notion. Have you ever negotiated a seat for someone else? What were your train mate's reactions? Would you do it again?
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I have always been wary in calling out other people to offer a seat. First and foremost, I would hate to embarrass either party. Many times people do not want the seat since they are one or two stops away.
ReplyDeleteHere is another question to ask: Can it be considered as sexist offering a woman a seat? Does it make it seem as if they need to be sitting? What is the line of chivalry and being unknowingly sexist?
Well once I was on the subway and a couple got on. The baby was strapped to the father and the mother had some bags on her hand. I offered the husband my seat and the wife got all made and looked at me like if I was flirting with her husband. So, that was kind of weird haha!
ReplyDeleteWow! Call me a coward, but I would never ask someone to evacuate their seat. Don't get me wrong...I think it's rude. But in NYC, you never know what kind of a crazy person will start cussing at you, or worse yet, pull out a knife.
ReplyDeleteYour blog made me think of times that I was on a subway, seated, with my head down, reading the whole time. And then when I got off at my stop, I would see a pregnant woman and feel awful. But I actually hadn't "seen" her. But I relate to you saying some people are just pretending. And that's really sad.
It's nice to read your blog, though, and see that common courtesy is not dead, just not as in vogue as it once was.
Oh, and in my first comment, I meant to say "I think it's rude when people don't offer their seat to those that need it more." Not so much that I think it's rude for others to negotiate a seat. I've just never done it.
ReplyDeleteI've never asked someone to give up their seat, although I will usually give up mine if I see someone with a baby, pregnant, etc. I wish I had the nerve to demand the nearest sitting guy to give up his seat for the lady carrying the baby, but if I'm honest with myself, it's not in my nature, there is an embarassment factor to content with and I usually expect someone else to call someone else out.
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